Pastor Huff

I read an article about a decade ago when I worked with children full-time. The article was titled, “Five Reasons to Stop Saying, ‘Good Job!’” Something about the article never quite set right with me. The arguments seemed sound enough, but the idea of trying not to affirm children after they did something praiseworthy seemed ludicrous to me.

The article has recently made a comeback and it’s come to my attention once again. What I couldn’t quite verbalize a decade ago, I will now attempt to put into words. Here are the five reasons I will continue to say “Good job,” not only to children, but to anyone around me who does something that merits a bit of praise.

These points do not necessarily line up point for point with the article I’m responding to, but do generally answer each argument presented. Here are my reasons:

1. To encourage good behavior.

Contrary to the original article, people need to be encouraged to do what’s right. We don’t always know intrinsically what is right. There’s a moral standard which exists outside of ourselves which we ought to conform to. Otherwise, why would we need the Bible? It reveals our sin (telling us what is wrong), and shows us how to glorify God (telling us what is right).

Is it manipulation to tell a person “Good job” when they do something good? Or is it rather a recognition of the right thing done, and affirmation of the individual who did the good thing? I’d say the latter.

2. Extrinsic rewards are a natural part of life.

The original article made the assertion that it’s far better to have a conversation with others regarding why a particular action is good rather than simply declaring it good. And I’m all for those kinds of conversations. As people mature, they ought to not only know what they are to be doing, but why they are to be doing those things. But that doesn’t eliminate the necessity to offer praise as well.

You wouldn’t tell an employer to stop paying his employees in the attempt to allow them to be motivated by their own love for the work. Of course not! Extrinsic rewards are a part of life. Granted, they shouldn’t be one’s primary reason for doing things, but it’s simply unrealistic to remove them altogether.

3. People are not the judge of what is good.

God determines what is good. Anytime we say “Good job,” we’re ultimately appealing to a higher authority. Words such as “good” and “bad” have no meaning unless there is a universal standard of good. Otherwise, all we have are personal preferences.

If that is the reality, that there is no such thing as good and bad, or right and wrong, then I would agree that we should stop saying “Good job,” because it would be manipulation to conform to our own idea of what is good. But then we should also stop putting people into prison, because who are we to tell them their actions were wrong? But since an absolute good does exist, then we ought to affirm the practice of good behaviors, and discourage the practice of bad ones.

4. Saying “Good job” is not stealing another’s joy, it’s affirming it and sharing in it.

The author of the previous article was correct in saying that children are constantly looking for our approval. For that matter, many adults are constantly looking for approval as well. Does this mean, then, that we should avoid giving them what they seek? Of course not! Rather, we ought always be looking for opportunities to catch someone doing something good, and affirm them in it.

Furthermore, when I catch someone doing good, I’m able to share in the joy that the person is having, even though I wasn’t the one who did the good thing. This is an amazing privilege! It doesn’t decrease the other’s joy at all, but rather increases his joy because he’s able to share it with another.

5. Praising good actions completes and heightens the joy of the one who did the good thing.

Doing good by oneself is commendable, but often leaves a type of emptiness within a person, longing to share it with others. Since we need extrinsic rewards, verbal affirmation brings a type of closure to the behavior so that we can move on to either repeat the behavior again, or else engage in another good behavior.

I do think we can learn a lot from the original article. It would be wise to reflect on each situation to see if you’re creating a praise junkie by constantly giving verbal affirmation of one’s actions. But when it comes down to it, saying “Good job” is both biblical and helpful to those around us.

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The Great Commission’s main thrust is that we make disciples. It’s the only verb in the passage that is an imperative. The other verbs (going, baptizing, and teaching) are all participles which tell us how we are to go about making disciples. If making disciples, then, is the command of the Great Commission, we need to know how to do it. Going, baptizing, and teaching are the methods mentioned in the Great Commission itself. But once we reach people with the gospel, how do we teach them? Can we break that down a bit in order to be more faithful to teach them all that Christ has commanded us?

I read an excellent series of blog posts recently written by Mike James that discussed 5 ways to make disciples. Of the 5 ways that he mentioned, I consider 2 of them to be basically identical (utilizing Sunday School and small groups), but I can see why he might split them into to two categories.

Of the discipleship methods Mike named, it’s my opinion that one-on-one mentoring is severely lacking in our churches. We’ve somehow got it into our heads that church is an event rather than an active fellowship of believers. We’re pretty good about discipling through the preaching and Sunday School hours, but when it comes to keeping one another accountable and spurring one another on throughout the week, we often drop the ball.

Why is this the case? Well, it’s certainly easier not to disciple each other like this. Not doing this becomes the default action because it’s less risky. We risk our relationships when we attempt to disciple one another in such a personal, direct way. What if the other believer doesn’t want to heed your admonition?

If we’re going to correct this, we’ve got to be intentional. We’ve got to be willing to take risks. We’ve got to speak the truth in love. But even more importantly, we’ve got to realize just how essential this kind of discipleship is for our spiritual growth. It’s one thing to sit in a room while instructions are given to many people at the same time, but it’s quite another thing to be given specific, personal instruction one-on-one.

It’s our privilege to encourage one another in our walk with Christ. If God has saved us by His grace, then what I’m talking about is in reality less of a risk and more of a blessing. Be a blessing to your family in Christ.

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I don’t know where he got it, but my 3 year old son sometimes approaches me out of the blue and asks me, “Daddy, are you happy or sad?” I must have asked him that sometime in the past, and now (since he’s 3 years old), he’s added it to his arsenal of phrases that he likes to repeat from time to time. I wonder if he’s genuinely trying to determine if I’m happy or sad at that particular moment, or if he’s just talking through one of his many scripts. What prompted that question at that particular time? Did I do something that made him think I was sad?

I’ve talked with people who have had the opinion that God is generally sad or even mad. They think that He observes the mess that we’ve made of His creation with a heavy heart, and has grown frustrated with us to the point that He takes a kind of pleasure in executing His wrath toward sin. And while there is a bit of truth in this idea that God isn’t pleased with sin, and that He ought to receive praise even in His act of judgment (for it shows that He is a God of holiness, justice, and power), the Bible plainly states that God is happy. One of the most clear verses is 1 Timothy 1:11, which refers to God as “the blessed God.” A simple definition of “blessed” is “happy.”

Another verse worth mentioning is Matthew 25:23. God will say to those who trust Christ, “enter into the joy of your master.” God has a joy about Him that we will one day get the privilege of experiencing as well. We can get a taste of it today, but will realize the fullness of it when we shed these mortal bodies. Who would want to go spend eternity with a God who is sad or mad? Could such a place really be called “heaven”?

God is unchanging. If God will be full of joy in the future in Himself and because of what Christ did on the cross for the redemption of many souls, then God is full of joy today for the same reasons. We serve a happy God.

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A Guy’s Guide to Life: How to Become a Man in 208 Pages or Less by Jason Boyett. Buy it on Amazon.

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I received A Guy’s Guide to Life, by Jason Boyett, from Book Sneeze at no cost to me by simply agreeing to provide a review of the book. As much as I appreciate their generosity, I’m not a fan of the book. But before I get into that, I’ll first take a look at a few points that I thought were helpful.

I appreciate that the author wrote such a book. There’s a lot of confusion for boys as they transition to become men. There are so many pressures enforced upon them, so many circumstances changing, and so many hormones raging that teenagers can get overwhelmed with the decisions and possibilities for their lives. In this book, the author attempts to give advice to guys on the major issues, and to do so from a biblical framework. I appreciate that.

I also appreciate some of the very practical advice that the author gave. For example, when talking about the importance of good communication with your parents, Boyett wrote,

“Honesty builds trust. If Mom or Dad knows you’re shooting straight – that you’re opening up to them about personal stuff – then they’re more likely to trust you.”

That’s just plain good advice. The book is full of little things like that. I appreciate that.

However, I have some serious concerns about this book as well. First of all, in the attempt to overview many issues briefly, Boyett ends up covering almost no issues adequately. This really should have been broken up into at least three books: one for each of the three sections of the book (mind, body, and soul). But this isn’t the main issue I have with the book.

In his attempt to be relevant to and make a connection with his reader, the author assumes too much, and gives too little. He writes as if the primary motivations of the reader are finding out what’s cool, and finding out how men act. But any teenager who would pick up this book probably already has his own ideas about these things. Instead of “how to become a man in 208 pages or less,” the author should have sought to write a book that could have the subtitle, “how to become a godly man in an ungodly world.” Now that would have been worth reading.

Purchase A Guy’s Guide to Life on Amazon

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The Art of Pastoring: Ministry Without All the Answers by David Hansen. Buy it on Amazon.

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

In The Art of Pastoring, David Hansen gives counsel to pastors by telling his own story. It was a refreshing read. The book was far different from what I expected. I’m used to reading how-to books about being a pastor (how to lead with integrity, how to grow your Sunday School, etc). But this book gripped me from the beginning because it’s nothing like that. I enjoy that sort of book as well, but The Art of Pastoring reads more like a friend telling a story rather than a professor presenting information.

Perhaps the subtitle would have been more fitting as the title: Ministry Without All the Answers. The author repeatedly assures the reader that ministry can be hard, but that God work through the pastor who humbles himself before the Lord. It’s okay not to have all the answers in ministry. In fact, we should be able to admit that we don’t have all the answers. But God is still good.

Although I’m reluctant to do so, I should point out that I don’t agree with the author on every point. Most specifically, how we should view, practice, and explain the ordinances (the author calls them sacraments). Hansen is fine practicing infant baptism, and doesn’t think it’s necessary to explain that the sacraments are symbolic rather than having grace applied through them. He believes the ordinances have more impact on the church if they are simply practiced without explanation. I think they have their proper place and impact in the church if they are understood correctly.

But The Art of Pastoring is not a theological textbook. Nor does the author ever imply that we must agree with how he practices ministry. It is more a simple message to pastors that says, “I know what you’re going through. It’s okay. God will use you.” And I think that’s both a very encouraging and needed message.

Purchase The Art of Pastoring on Amazon

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